The thing I hate most about Shanghai

Weather: Fair

Temperature: 19 c

Yesterday I was chatting with someone who claimed to be the representative of all the readers of this blog. On behalf of all the readers, he asked me why I wrote so much about Malaysia when this blog is about China. I agreed with him and reckoned that his concern is legitimate. He further added that no matter how hard I whack Malaysia, Malaysia will still be the same. So, what’s the point?

My apology for saying too much about my home country. True, why kick a dead dog?

The other day, when I was having lunch with a group of colleagues (our official lunch time is 12 noon to 1pm, but we normally go out at 12.30pm and come back at 1.30pm), a Chinese colleague asked me what I hated most about China. Though it was a simple question, I found it hard to answer. I love everything about China! But if you really want to know what I dislike most, emm… let me think, ok, it will be the spitting habit of the Chinese.

When you walk around the streets of Shanghai, inevitably, you will hear the sound of “khaaaaaaaarrrr…. pui!” i.e., the sound of spitting. It is hard to categorize the demographic of those who spit: the uneducated ones spit, the educated ones spit, the old spit, the young spit, the guys spit, the ladies spit, the white collars spit, the blue collar spit. In short, all kinds of people spit.

I always feel sorry when I saw pretty Shanghai girls who dressed up nicely spat. It is like watching sexy Ms. Universe in bikini eats durian. Sometimes, the taxi drivers will wind down the window and khaaaaaarrrrrrr… pui! Of course, if they do that, you have the right to lodge a formal complaint and refuse to pay the basic fare or 起步费 of RMB 11. But normally, I don’t care. I felt annoyed but I won’t complain. I take it as it is part of their culture. Why spoil their livelihood when they are performing their culture? When I think it that way, I feel much better.

The “good” ones will not spit indiscriminately; they will look for suitable places to spit. Just like cats digging hole to pooh pooh. They spit in the dustbins. Unfortunately, most of the dustbins here do not have a plastic bag inside. So the spits stick directly on the inner walls of the dustbins. After a while, these spits turn solid and white and even produce funny smell.

Seeing someone spits is annoying enough. If they do a “clean” spit (i.e. a high speed spit that was shot out quickly from the lips directly at the target), that is not too bad. But when they do a “slow and slimy” spit (i.e. instead of flying straight to the target, a portion of the mixture of sputum and saliva accidentally hang on the corner of the lips), it instantly kills off all appetite.

Some spits have white bubbles on it and some are yellowish. You can spot a spit everywhere in the streets. Their number in the streets is second to cigarette butts. If you think seeing someone spits is bad enough, wait until you step on one. Yeee… my stomach turns upside down even when I write this. When you lift up your shoes, this slimy, smelly, yellowish, greenish and unhygienic liquid will stick on the bottom of your shoes, follow you everywhere. And you wear that shoes to work, to restaurants, to parties, to a clinics etc.

Another thing worth mentioned here is: spitting requires certain degree of skill. You see, spitting can be divided into 2 parts: the “khaaaarrr” and the “pui”. “Khaaarrr” usually takes longer time than the “pui”. Engtee and I once tried to practice how to do a good spit at the garden of Bom’s apartment. All we could do was the “khhaaaarrrr” part, as to the “pui” part, we could not control our tongue to consolidate all the liquid in our mouth into a single arrow and shoot out at high speed with accuracy. What came out from our mouths was splash of saliva, which usually stuck on our face, chin or even neck. Practice makes perfect. If we do it on a daily basis, I am sure we can “shoot” like any Shanghainese. But why would we want to practice that?

Well, like all the bad things I said about China, I am not complaining. I am “ok” with people spitting as long as they don’t spit on me or let me step on their spits. I just have to be extra careful when I walk. I take it as part of the Chinese people’s culture, be it good culture or bad ones. Certainly, me alone cannot change the spitting habit of the Chinese, I am overwhelmingly outnumbered.

A group of Malaysians in Shanghai. 6 are from Hin Hua High School. Can you believe that?