Doctor vs Lawyer

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I had always wanted to become a doctor. It was a childhood dream. I do not know why but since I was mature enough to have to seriously think about my future, being a doctor has always been my first preference.

However, I know my shortcoming: have you seen a color blind doctor? Even if you have seen one, would you trust his diagnosis? Even if you trust his diagnosis, would you let him operate you knowing very well that he thought blood is black color and your skin is green?

Since I knew that I could not be a doctor, I opted to join the second oldest profession, namely, the legal profession.

There are many jokes about doctors and lawyers, and the lawyers always end up being the bad guy in those jokes.

“When a doctor makes a mistake, his patient is buried six feet under; when a lawyer makes a mistake, his client is hung six feet above.”

“One day, a rich old man summoned his lawyer, doctor and accountant to see him. He gave each RM1 million to hold as stakeholder and instructed them to put the 1 million in his coffin when he passes away. 1 month later, the rich old man died. The doctor, being the most honest one, put exactly 1 million back into the coffin. The account, after deducting RM1,000 as his service charges, put the balance sum back into the coffin. The lawyer wrote a cheque in favor of the old man in the sum of RM1 million and put the cheque in the coffin.”

The above joke shows that the doctors are most square minded and honest, without any imagination and creativity; while the lawyers are cunning, smart and not trustworthy.

In real life, that is also true.

When a doctor was caught on tape having sex with the wrong lady using the wrong position (believe it or not, oral sex is illegal in Malaysia, so 69 is definitely out!), he admitted to the public that he was the man in the tape and the woman was a personal friend: as honest as George Washington. There was no any other evidence, apart from the DVD, that could prove his identity. The maker of the DVD was not even known! Yet, this honest doctor decided to come clean and seek forgiveness.

However, when a lawyer was caught on tape trying to fix the appointment of judges and rig the decisions of the court, did he come clean and say: it was me? No no no! Never underestimate the imagination and creativity of the lawyers.

“He looks like me and sounds like me, that’s all I can say” was the lawyer’s standard reply. Was he fixing the appointment of judges and rigging the court’s decision? No, he talked rubbish when he drank too much. Was he talking to the former Chief Justice? No, he could not remember who he was talking to but it definitely could not be the Chief Justice as he did not have the Chief Justice’s number.

Can you tell me that was not brilliant? There were witnesses who testified that they were there with him when he talked over the phone. The maker of the tape confirmed that it was him in the tape. Despite all the concrete and irrebuttable evidence pointing at one inevitable conclusion that HE WAS THE MAN, our friend has the cheek to tell the whole world that “he looks like me and sounds like me.”

Luckily, I did not choose the wrong profession after all. This lawyer really makes us proud and inspires more budding lawyers to be like him.

While we are on this topic, not only the lawyers are smart genius, the judges in Malaysia were not bad too!

When our former Chief Justice was asked why he traveled with Lingam to New Zealand, he said Lingam wanted to tag along and he had no choice. Fantastic! If you are clever enough to believe that, then you would have to believe my story too. My story goes like this:

In 2005, my parents did not follow me to Shanghai for Chinese New Year vacation. I do not know why they were in China at that time. I booked 1 flight ticket and I wanted to travel alone. But when I was in KLIA, I saw my parents. They asked me where was I going and I told them I was going to Shanghai. They asked me whether they could tag along. I said, why not, after all, it was their money. So, my parents followed me to Shanghai. Did they stay in the same hotel with me? Yes, because they asked me where I stayed, so I told them the name of my hotel, and they checked into that hotel. Did we tour Shanghai together? Yes, but it was because my parents wanted to follow me. Did we take group photos? Yes, but it was because my parents wanted to take photo with me. I always obliged.

If you believe my above story then you would also have to believe that my parents waited for me in the KLIA to “accidentally” bump into me with their China Visa ready.

Oh… you don’t believe my story? I certainly hope that the Royal Commission of Inquiry would not…

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