Lee, What the heck are you talking about?

Weather: Fair

Temperature: 12 c

I was not in a good mood today. I am really pissed off actually. I just could not really concentrate on my work properly.

Why? Because I bumped into very sad news: “BN is government, Lee Chong Wei said”. Please click here to read the full story. Thanks Yeechee, for alerting me. Yes, we are talking about the Malaysia's No. 1 badminton player.

What the heck is wrong with him? Please don’t get me wrong. I am not criticizing him for supporting BN (though I really hate him for that) for the same reason that I should not be criticized for not supporting BN. That is his personal choice because when he walks to the ballot box, it is only between him and his conscience. I respect that.

What I really cannot tahan is his understanding of democracy (or lack of it) . He must be aware that he is not just another ah beng selling DVDs in the hawker centre. He is also definitely not just a badminton coach in a primary school. He is someone Malaysians idolized, for he possesses special skill: when he is on form, he could really kick the Chinese badminton team’s asses. In other words, his words carry certain weight.

When an ah beng says “MCA represents all Malaysian Chinese”, we can forgive him and brush it off by saying he is boh thak cek. But when someone like Lee Chong Wei says, “我为国家服务，国阵也是政府” (literal translation: I am serving the country, BN is also the government), we really can’t easily forgive such inaccurate and irresponsible statement.

If you still have no idea what is wrong with his statement, allow me to tell you: BN is BN, Malaysian government is Malaysian government, they are 2 different concepts and referring to 2 different things. I really don’t know why Lee Chong Wei could get this wrong, since he is so good in badminton.

I was once elected as the chairman of the Drama Club, and I did quite ok. When my term as chairman expires and there is another election, can my supporters say: we must support the club and the chairman, so we must support Harnniann? Can’t they tell Harnniann and chairman of the Drama Club are two different things? One refers to an individual and one refers to a position. Yes, as members of Drama Club, we must support our club and chairman, but when it comes to election of chairman, we do not necessarily need to support Harnniann. I am sure even a secondary school student can understand this concept.

But having said that, I am sure Lee Chong Wei is not the only one who got this concept mixed up. Since BN has been the government for more than 50 years, a lot of Malaysians were misled into thinking that BN is the government. Today, the reason BN is the government is because we people vote them in, if one day BN is abandoned by the people (maybe it has already happened), BN will no longer be the government. So, Lee Chong Wei, please get this right: campaigning for BN is not “serving the country”; just like bodeking Harnniann is not supporting the Drama Club.

I am really disappointed and saddened. Why must our badminton players always be used like a puppet? Before that, our badminton doubles were “invited” to play in Machap by-election.

I supported our Malaysian badminton team. I have said in this blog before, when our team played against the Chinese team, I supported our team all the way.

But now, I have to reconsider.



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期待下一次的大雪

Weather: Light Rain

Temperature: 5 c

I don’t know why, but suddenly, I have this urge to write about my family. Maybe I really miss them.

My family is not of a conventional type. We didn’t stay with our parents during our teenage and we took off to other parts of the world once our wings were strong enough to fly. My brother, who has an American dream, landed on the land of the free and home of the brave, while my sister slowly grew her roots in Taiwan. Me, who didn’t have any magnificent dream to start with, ended up upholding justice in Malaysia (of course that is not true, justice always comes with a price tag and must therefore be paid to be done). My younger brother who just finished PMR last year has left our hometown Terengganu to study in Klang.

My parents started raising their kids in Terengganu, but after a few years, they were again left alone with none of their children around them.

We seldom have the opportunity to spend quality time together as one family unit. My brother went to Klang before my younger brother was born. When my younger brother was old enough to understand the idea of “siblings”, all his brothers and sister have left him. My younger brother grew up being the single and only child with on and off his brothers and sister came to visit him during school holidays.

When my younger brother was old enough to come to Klang, my elder brother has already left for USA and my sister, Taiwan. I was the only one to take care of him in Klang but I didn’t do a good job, I was too busy living my life. Very soon after my younger brother settled down in Klang, it was my time to leave Malaysia. You can imagine how cruel and unfair that was to my younger brother. He was left alone in the hostel without anyone coming to visit him during the weekends. I vividly remember how it actually feels like when I was the only one in hostel and all of my mates have gone home. He must be very tough to face such loneliness. But he is only 16 this year, yet, he has to understand that when troubles come, he and only he could help himself, there is no one else, except himself. He has to solve his own problems. Daddy is too far away to save him.

This Chinese new year, my family reunited, with an additional member, my wife Engtee. I could not remember when was the last time our whole family met. It must be years ago.

It was a great feeling to see my parents and siblings celebrating New Year together. It was wonderful. It was beyond words. Though we did not express it, we all knew it. We have all grown up so much and in the process, our parents have aged. The first time I asked my mom how old she was, she was only 36. Time really flies mercilessly like an arrow.

I spent a good quality 10 days with my family. Surely, 10 days were not enough. There were so little things we could do for each other within that 10 days to make up for the time we have lost. I hope my younger brother likes the Nike shoe I bought for him. I have never bought such an expensive sport shoe before, but it was money well spent. I really felt guilty as hell when I bought a Hush Puppy for my father. I am already wearing my third pair of Hush Puppy but my father just finally got his first.

I don’t know where and how this article is going to end. But I have to go. It’s time to sleep. I miss my family. When my brother, sister and I have gone back to our respective places, I had a chat with my dad. I asked him how he was feeling and he answered: 人去楼空, 期待下一次的大雪. Though I laughed when I heard that, I could feel my father’s pain inside me. It must not be easy for him and my mom. Who would love to see their children leaving them? Who would love to waive goodbye to their kids?

I am back!

Weather: Fair
Temperature: 5 c

It is time for me to face my own blog again. Sorry for my disappearance and sorry for the long wait.

This article marks the first entry of this blog since the Chinese New Year. I was happy that I had the opportunity to spend a very short time with my family in Malaysia during the holiday. If I was given a choice, I would have spent more time in Malaysia. There were a lot of friends whom I wished to meet, but due to time constraint and the many errands to run, I was not able to see all of them. Please accept my sincere apologies. Hopefully, the next time I am in Malaysia, I will have the time to catch up with you.

Well, after spending 10 days in Malaysia, I am back again in Shanghai. It would not be and was certainly not easy to leave Malaysia. There were tears and regrets at the airport when we flew back to Shanghai. Regardless of what I have said in this blog about Malaysia, I realized that I still see Malaysia as a home, and there is no other place better than home. Personally, I would prefer sunshine over chilly winter, though Engtee and Banfong would say otherwise.

What would I write about in my first article after Chinese New Year? The General Election is just 2 weeks away, should I write about it? Yes, but not now. I guess the Malaysian news papers have given great coverage to the election (though the impartiality of their reports is in question). Rather, I would like to write on something which I have touched on before: The Malaysian Chinese’s Identity Crisis.

My experience tells me: you don’t feel like a Malaysian until you leave Malaysia. That’s true. In Malaysia, I really don’t feel like a Malaysian, I am more like a Chinese. I eat with chopstick, I speak my mother tongue Mandarin more than my national language, I studied in Chinese school where everything was taught in Mandarin except Malay language and English, I listen to Chinese music, I celebrate Chinese new year and other Chinese festivals, I hang around with Chinese friends, I am reminded by the authority again and again that I am a Chinese, and when I die, my tombstone will be written in Chinese and my body be buried in a Chinese cemetery. So, it would not be unreasonable for someone like me to say that I felt more like a Chinese than a Malaysian when I was in Malaysia.

I think the situation has actually improved. Back when I was a kid, I used to hear the elders referred themselves as “中国人” (literally, China people), and they sang songs like 龙的传人and 勇敢的中国人. Now, the younger Chinese generation call themselves “华人” (Chinese). It would be weird if some Chinese in Malaysia would say he/she is a 中国人.

However, I am going to ask that stupid question again: Am I really a Chinese?

When I was in UK, I told the Angmos I was a Chinese but not from China and I got them confused. Why couldn’t I just say I am a Malaysian? In UK, everyone is English regardless of whether they are Angmos, Blacks or Indians. Same applies to USA, everyone is American. But I happened to be a Chinese who is not from China or a Malaysian who thinks he is a Chinese. No wonder the Angmos were confused. The Malaysian government is confused too!

Now I am in China, should I tell the American clients that I am a Chinese? That would certainly mislead them to think that I am a Chinese citizen. So, I tell them I am a Malaysian, but not Malay. Ooh! Why couldn’t I say “Malaysian” period? I don’t know!

Last Friday while having dinner with Engtee’s Chinese colleagues, they jokingly mentioned that in Malaysia, we are Chinese “华人”, but in China, we are just another foreigner “老外”, not very much different from the Blacks from Africa or the Angmos from Europe. That statement prompted me to think more about my identity. The Chinese colleagues were telling the painful obvious.

Yesterday a Taiwanese friend joined our All-Malaysian dinner. Running out of topics for a mature conversation, we tried to ask her about her take on the “One-China” policy, whether she feels like part of China. “No way! Taiwan is Taiwan, China is China! Taiwan is never part of China!” she claimed. As usual, the bunch of insensitive Malaysians kept on pressing her on what’s the big deal of having acknowledged being part of China. We surely did not understand. Then, I asked a Malaysian friend sitting next to me, “Will you be offended if a Chinese (from Mainland) tells you that Malaysia is part of China and you are a Chinese?” To be honest, all the Malaysians’ answers were the same: we would certainly NOT be offended. Some even expressed the feeling of excitement and happiness. That was why we, Malaysian, could not understand why the Taiwanese is so sensitive about being part of China as we would not make any complaint if someone were to shout at our face that Malaysia is part of China and we are all Chinese. But, of course, that won’t happen.

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