期待下一次的大雪

Weather: Light Rain

Temperature: 5 c

I don’t know why, but suddenly, I have this urge to write about my family. Maybe I really miss them.

My family is not of a conventional type. We didn’t stay with our parents during our teenage and we took off to other parts of the world once our wings were strong enough to fly. My brother, who has an American dream, landed on the land of the free and home of the brave, while my sister slowly grew her roots in Taiwan. Me, who didn’t have any magnificent dream to start with, ended up upholding justice in Malaysia (of course that is not true, justice always comes with a price tag and must therefore be paid to be done). My younger brother who just finished PMR last year has left our hometown Terengganu to study in Klang.

My parents started raising their kids in Terengganu, but after a few years, they were again left alone with none of their children around them.

We seldom have the opportunity to spend quality time together as one family unit. My brother went to Klang before my younger brother was born. When my younger brother was old enough to understand the idea of “siblings”, all his brothers and sister have left him. My younger brother grew up being the single and only child with on and off his brothers and sister came to visit him during school holidays.

When my younger brother was old enough to come to Klang, my elder brother has already left for USA and my sister, Taiwan. I was the only one to take care of him in Klang but I didn’t do a good job, I was too busy living my life. Very soon after my younger brother settled down in Klang, it was my time to leave Malaysia. You can imagine how cruel and unfair that was to my younger brother. He was left alone in the hostel without anyone coming to visit him during the weekends. I vividly remember how it actually feels like when I was the only one in hostel and all of my mates have gone home. He must be very tough to face such loneliness. But he is only 16 this year, yet, he has to understand that when troubles come, he and only he could help himself, there is no one else, except himself. He has to solve his own problems. Daddy is too far away to save him.

This Chinese new year, my family reunited, with an additional member, my wife Engtee. I could not remember when was the last time our whole family met. It must be years ago.

It was a great feeling to see my parents and siblings celebrating New Year together. It was wonderful. It was beyond words. Though we did not express it, we all knew it. We have all grown up so much and in the process, our parents have aged. The first time I asked my mom how old she was, she was only 36. Time really flies mercilessly like an arrow.

I spent a good quality 10 days with my family. Surely, 10 days were not enough. There were so little things we could do for each other within that 10 days to make up for the time we have lost. I hope my younger brother likes the Nike shoe I bought for him. I have never bought such an expensive sport shoe before, but it was money well spent. I really felt guilty as hell when I bought a Hush Puppy for my father. I am already wearing my third pair of Hush Puppy but my father just finally got his first.

I don’t know where and how this article is going to end. But I have to go. It’s time to sleep. I miss my family. When my brother, sister and I have gone back to our respective places, I had a chat with my dad. I asked him how he was feeling and he answered: 人去楼空, 期待下一次的大雪. Though I laughed when I heard that, I could feel my father’s pain inside me. It must not be easy for him and my mom. Who would love to see their children leaving them? Who would love to waive goodbye to their kids?