Sodomy Story

Weather: Light Rain

Temperature: 26 c

Sorry, I just can't leave the sodomites alone for too long. I tried very hard to force myself to write about other things, e.g., the Beijing Olympics or the global fuel hike, but my focus is still on the backsides of a few individuals.

Admittedly, I am a big fan of the Sodomy Story. I have been following that story more diligent than watching my favorite “Boston Legal”. This is completely understandable. When episode 1 of the Sodomy Story was released 10 years ago, I even went to the streets to feel the thrills of being chased by the red-headed policemen and the taste of the chemical-laced water. I was among the tens of thousands of mob hitting fists in the air while shouting in unison “Re-For-Ma-Si” until our throats gave way.

Yes, episode 1 of the Sodomy Story was phenomenal and amazing. It made young people like me go crazy. It has all the ingredients to make a superb Hollywood movie: sex (remember the mattress?), violence (remember the black eye?), conspiracy (remember the charges were amended a few times?), and a team of handsome lawyers (remember the courtroom drama?). It was at least 10 times better than “Brokeback Mountain”.

However, many years later, many forgot what caused them to take the streets on that day. And life went on whether the star of the Sodomy Story was inside or outside the prison.

When episode 2 of the Sodomy Story was released last month, I felt that a part of me (which has died for a long time) suddenly came back to life. Maybe I have this ass-fetish, especially between 2 male adults.

Like most sequels, episode 2 kept part of the cast in episode 1. The individual who played the role of an investigating officer in episode 1 is now the Inspector General of Police in episode 2; and the individual who played the role of a prosecutor is now the Attorney General. The star of episode 1 and 2 of the Sodomy Story remains the same, while the alleged “ass-victim” has been switched from a personal driver to a private aide. The “ass-victim” in episode 2 looks more promising as he is a former student leader (though an university drop-out) and, more importantly, he is handsome.

Some argued that episode 2 of the Sodomy Story is less dramatic than episode 1. I humbly disagree. Remember when the star of the Sodomy Story was about to report himself to the police? He was sieged by heavily armed S.W.A.T team in balaclava. Wasn't that dramatic? I thought we could only see that in American movies!

To add the latest twist to episode 2, a leaked medical report (which is supposed to be private and confidential) shows that the ass-victim was never sodomized! His asshole (I apologize for my language, but I am too excited) is as smooth as a piece of toufu, no wear and tear, no bleeding, nothing. Maybe even look like a shape of a sunflower. What makes this twist more interesting is the fact that the doctor who prepared the medical report is now missing. It is dangerous to be star witness these days. Remember the private investigator? He and his whole family went missing too.

And mind you, we have yet to see the whole story of episode 2. More twists and turns are expected in the not-so-distant future.

So, are you a Sodomy Story fan now? You might want to consider joining the fan club. I can guarantee it would not be a pain in the ass.


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Engtee is 28 now

Weather: Partly Cloudy

Temperature: 29 c


Let’s forget about the Malaysian sodomites for a while and do some lighter stuff.

Last Friday (July 25th) was Engtee’s 28th birthday. My great friends in Shanghai threw a simple but meaningful party for her. Thanks guys!

Bom booked a table at a Malaysian restaurant somewhere near my office. The food was great and authentic. We felt like we were having dinner in Kuala Lumpur (except that we had to take bus home after the dinner, as opposed to driving our own cars). We even summoned the chef (who is a Penangite) to personally thank him for the great food. It temporarily cured our homesick.



After the dinner, we continued our Malaysian chit-chat at another Italian restaurant. Bom’s wife was gracious to arrange a birthday cake for Engtee. It was a tiramisu cake. Not bad.



Yes, Engtee is 28 now. May your wish come true!

World's Brain Factory

Weather: Partly Cloudy

Temperature: 34 c

Last Friday, I found out that another Hin Hua mate of mine and his wife, who is also a product of Hin Hua, have joined the Malaysian community in Shanghai. He previously worked for a Japanese company in Singapore and was recently seconded to work in Shanghai. He is currently staying in a RMB15,000-a-month (approximately RM7,350) apartment, so please go figure out how much he is making per month, and how much tax he is paying to the Chinese government per year.

I did a quick audit on my former Hin Hua classmates and realized that almost half of them are not in Malaysia but scattered across the globe. We are not talking about illegal immigrants who are washing plates in Chinese restaurants; we are talking about professionals. To my knowledge, we have a chemist and a computer scientist in the US, a food scientist in Singapore, a dentist in Taiwan, an accountant and an engineer in China, an architect in Australia, a gym instructor in New Zealand etc. Imagine the total amount of tax these professionals contribute to the foreign countries they are currently living in. Besides tax, imagine the contributions these professional could have made to Malaysia's nation building had they chosen not to leave Malaysia. I am sure you get the picture.

And we are just looking at my classmates, what about the students from other classes? Take my siblings for example (who are all 100% products of Hin Hua). My elder brother is an engineer who is helping the city of Los Angeles to come out with ways to prevent flood (while Klang cannot even endure a 30-minute downpour); and my younger sister is a nutritionist who is making the Taiwanese healthier (while some Malaysians still believe that adding some Tongkat Ali powder in teh tarik will help them perform better at night).

China is labeled as the “World's Factory”. You can't really deny that. It is hard not to find anything made in China in our home these days. Keyboards, DVDs, kitchenware etc are manufactured in some parts of China. However, if China is the World's Factory, maybe Malaysia could be labeled as the “World's Brain Factory”. While China manufactures and exports goods for profits, Malaysia manufactures and exports brain free-of-charge.

The next time you drive pass Hin Hua High School or any Chinese independent schools for that matter, please spend a few minutes to toy on these questions: For which country are these schools built and for which country are these students trained?

The saddest part is, though many Chinese school students provide their services in overseas, the governments of the USA, Taiwan, Singapore, Australia etc do not provide a single cent to our Chinese schools. They enjoy the fruits of the Chinese schools without having to pay for it. The Chinese schools are funded by the generous donations from the local Chinese communities. Every year, Hin Hua has to send out lion dance troops and risk the safety of its students to collect money for the school's operations.

However, once a doctor, a dentist, an accountant, or an architect is fully trained using the hard-earned money of the local people, we send them to serve in other countries. In other words, we are using our own money to train professionals for other countries. Are we that stupid? Apparently, we are.

Not long ago, I remember our government was talking about K-Economy. K in this context stands for Knowledge. I am not sure if the government is still serious about this K-Economy. But, how can we have knowledge when we don't even have brains? When we are shipping out tons and tons of brains to other countries F.O.C?

I would like to end this article with an excerpt from Namewee's (who is also a Chinese school's product) infamous Negarakuku:


独中生毕业了要进local大学西北难。
其实这件事情我们更不需要赌懒。
这个其实是政府的一个伟大计划。
他要我们到处跑，出国自己找希望，然后学习东西回来报答国家。
这个计划真的是好到没有话讲。
世界各地都会看到Malaysia的孩子，好像逃难一样，西北爽.

Shrinking Ringgit

Weather: Sunny
Temperature: 40 c (someone kill me please...)

I received a call from my good friend Lai Kuan, who is a practicing lawyer somewhere in the KL vicinity. She called on other matters, but I grabbed the opportunity to find out from her the conditions in KL. I was sad to learn that a glass of Milo is now sold at RM1.80 to RM2.00. She advised me not to drink Milo in mamak stores. “Drink Milo at home…” said Lai Kuan.

It is definitely not a good time to stay in Malaysia now. Previously I needed only RM3 to 5 to have a good time in a mamak store. Now, I could only order roti kosong and milo kosong (forget about the funny rotis like roti pisang, roti sardine, roti KLCC, roti milo, roti Cheese etc).

Today's paper tells another bad news: CPI for June surges to 7.7%

I have little confidence in the figures and statistics published by the authorities. But 7.7% (which is is slightly more than double the May CPI of 3.8%) tells us the seriousness of the matter. It is a wake up call.

It looks like my retirement plan has to be postponed for another couple of years. I need to work longer and save more money to buy more teh tarik after my retirement.

If someone has clearly proven that he does not know how to manage the economy, can we have someone who at least claims that he does?

Can we not focus on whose butt was sodomized but how to strengthen the economy instead? By the way, if you do not already know, please be informed that oral sex will also, theoretically, land you in jail. So, the moral of the story, next time you want to be naughty, please do not stray but go "straight to the point" and finish the job.

If you are asked to choose between a sodomite who gives you cakes everyday and a normal (but incompetent) man who gives you shits everyday, what would be your choice?


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Gear Box Problem

Weather: Haze

Temperature: 26 c


Have you ever heard of the saying that “switching to Mercedes is a cut-cost measure”?

Even if someone were to be so stupid to say it, would you have believed it?

I am from Terengganu and I am a proud Terengganu boy. Don’t doubt it. But I am not so proud of my Terengganu Menteri Besar. Why? Read this.

Terengganu state spent RM3.43 million to purchase 14 Mercedes E200 Kompressor cars “in a move to cut cost”. Yes, according to this brilliant Menteri Besar, getting rid of your Perdana V6 and replacing it with Mercedes are moves to cut cost.

Our Menteri Besar further said that “We are not saying that the national car is not good but in reality we are coughing up more money for maintaining the Proton Perdanas, particularly the gear boxes.”

"In the long run, Mercedes cars are cheaper to maintain and could also save us fuel costs” he said.

If I were to believe my Menteri Besar, these are the conclusions I could make:

1. Mercedes cars are cheaper to maintain;

2. Mercedes cars save us fuel costs; and most importantly

3. PROTON PERDANA IS A F**KED-UP CAR!!!!.

So, if you are so unlucky and driving a Proton Perdana , what the hell are you waiting for? Sell it and buy a Mercedes car. Don’t you want to cut cost, just like our caring government? I just hope that the second-hand value of Proton Perdana will not be affected by our Menteri Besar's statement.

The next time you want to buy a national car with an aim to save cost, please think twice. Maybe buying an expensive European car is a more feasible option. Don’t ask me why, ask the smart Menteri Besar.

Oh God! Some politicians could really fart through their mouth. Can you smell it? If you are staying in Terengganu, you’d better get used to that smell.



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Melabur di Shanghai

Cuaca: Cerah

Suhu: 30 c

Petang ini, ku jumpa dengan seorang anak guam dari Malaysia yang ingin melabur di Shanghai. Saya dah kenal dia sejak bulan Mac lalu. Syarikatnya besar dan kuat di Malaysia, kalau saya sebut nama syarikat itu, pasti kamu pernah dengar.

Dia berhasrat nak melabur di Cina dengan berpakatan dengan seorang rakan kongsi Cina. Jumlah wang yang dia nak labur di sini bukanlah banyak sangat, tapi juga tidak kecil. RM3 juta sahaja. RM 3 juta tak kira banyak dalam konteks pelaburan di Shanghai. RM 3 juta boleh dikatakan “sap sap sui” atau “chicken feet”. Nak sewa kedai pun sudah kena habiskan berpuluh-puluh ribu ringgit, apatah lagi yuran guaman, kos ubah suai, kos kerajaan dan lain-lain. RM 3 juta nampak banyak saja, tapi kalau kamu betul-betul kira, kamu akan terperanjat bahawa RM 3 juta memang tidak boleh buat apa-apa yang hebat.

Anak guam saya ini bukan tak ada duit nak melabur banyak. Tetapi, memandangkan ini adalah kali pertama dia melabur di Cina dan dia kurang faham dengan suasana pelaburan di Cina, dia terpaksa berhati-hati. Pelaburan kali pertama adalah percubaan. Kalau berjaya, pelaburan seterusnya boleh dibesarkan. Belum cuba belum tahu. So, dia pun try lar. Dengar cakap orang lain, Cina ini mempunyai banyak peluang dan pasaran yang amat besar. Banyak orang telah berjaya menggali berjuta-juta tan emas balik. Dia pun tak tahan nak cuba nasib lar.

Dia nak berpakat dengan seorang rakan kongsi Cina. Rakan kongsinya ada kilang di Guandong. So, rakan kongsinya boleh membekalkan barang-barang kepada dia di Shanghai dengan harga yang murah sekali. Dia hanya perlu keluar modal untuk membuka kedai di Shanghai. Kedua-dua pihak mencapai satu “gentleman agreement”.

Kamu tahulah macam mana orang Cina buat bisness. Dengan janji mulut saja tanpa sebarang kontrak, anakguam saya pergi sewa kedai, bayar deposit, upah orang datang ubah suai kedai itu, dan membeli perabot. Bukan sahaja itu, anakguam saya ini mengajak rakan kongsinya datang ke Malaysia untuk melawat syarikatnya, tengok kilangnya, serta bawa dia pergi menikmati “entertainment” tertentu. Kamu tahulah apa yang saya maksudkan. Banyak bisness sebenarnya dibuat di atas meja pub, bukan di meja pejabat!

Pendek cerita, anak guam saya dah keluar banyak duit untuk pelaburan ini. Tapi, dia belum dapat tengok apa-apa janjian yang konkrit. Kontrak pun belum ditandatangani! Anak guam saya rasa tak beberapa betul. Dia tak selesa dengan keadaan macam itu. Mana boleh ada pelaburan berjuta-juta ringgit tanpa sebarang kertas yang sah? So, dia pun cari peguam untuk membantunya. Sayalah peguam itu.

Saya nasihatkan dia untuk membuatkan satu JV contract. Dia setuju dengan cadangan saya. Tapi pihak rakan kongsinya tidak ingin nak upah peguam untuk membuat kontrak. Mengikut rakan kongsinya, yuran guaman amat mahal, kenapa nak bazir wang? Dia cuba nak pujuk anak guam saya supaya jangan guna servis saya. Mereka boleh sendiri sediakan kontrak itu dengan menggunakan contoh-contoh kontrak yang sedia ada. Tapi, anak guam saya tetap ingin mengupah peguam. Tiada pilihan, pihak rakan kongsinya terpaksa mengikut cadangan anak guam saya lar.

Tapi, rakan kongsinya tidak beberapa berkerja-sama. Deraf kontrak hantar kepada dia untuk komen, dia diam sahaja. Saya kena kejar dia tiap-tiap hari, baru dia kata dia nak ambil beberapa hari lagi untuk menyelidik kontrak itu. Bila dia dah tak ada alasan untuk melengah lagi, dia terpaksa memberikan komen-komen yang tidak bermakna. Tak apalah, saya pun ikut komen dia dan menyediakan “final version” kontrak untuk ditandatangani oleh kedua-dua pihak.

Pada hari tandatangan kontrak, kedua-dua pihak datang ke pejabat saya. Saya sediakan 6 set kontrak untuk mereka. Tiba-tiba, pihak Cina ini kata dia nak tanya saya berkenaan dengan satu klausa. Klausa itu tentang kuasa-kuasa dan obligasi-obligasi pengarah. Pihak Cina itu kata kuasa yang diberikan kepada anak guam saya terlalu besar. Ooi! Kenapa sekarang baru cakap?! Memang orang ini tak ikhlas nak sain dokumen ini. Saya cuba sedaya upaya untuk menerangkan maksud sebenar klausa itu. Tapi, Si Cina ini memang sengaja nak buat kacau.

Akhirnya, kontrak itu tidak ditandatangani. Si Cina kata dia nak 2 hari untuk meneliti kontrak itu sekali lagi. Saya pun tunggu lar. Anak guam saya sangat marah tapi tak ada apa-apa dia boleh buat.

2 hari kemudian, saya panggil dia, tak jawab. 1 minggu kemudian, pun tak jawab.

2 minggu kemudian, anak guam saya panggil saya dari Malaysia dan beritahu saya bahawa dia diberitahu oleh kerani Si Cina itu bahawa Si Cina nak batalkan kerjasama di antara mereka tanpa sebarang sebab. Anak guam saya sangat sedih dan marah, tapi dia gentleman. Dia janji yuran guaman saya dia tetap akan bayar.

Hari ini, anak guam saya datang ke pejabat saya untuk membuat bayaran. Dia beritahu saya bahawa dia dah kena tipu teruk. Si Cina itu kini menggunakan kedai yang disewa oleh anak guam saya untuk membuat bisnes. Anak guam saya sudah membayar sewa selama 1 tahun! Tapi malangnya, perjanjian sewa adalah atas nama Si Cina itu. So, Si Cina boleh guna kedai itu dengan sah. Bukan sahaja itu, 2 pekerja yang dilatih oleh anak guam saya untuk membantunya di Cina juga telah melompat ke pihak Si Cina dan kini berkhidmat untuk Si Cina itu. Takut tak?

Anak guam saya cedera parah dalam pelaburan pertama di Cina. Orang Cina kata: tengok hantu, takut gelap. Tapi, anak guam saya tidak putus asa. Dia nak cuba lagi.

Lepas dia bayar yuran guaman, dia beritahu saya bahawa dia akan datang ke Shanghai sekali lagi untuk mencari peluang kedua. Masa itu, kami akan dapat berkerjasama lagi.

Kepada semua orang yang nak menggali emas di Cina: Semoga Berjaya!

Polis dan roadblock

Cuaca: Cerah

Suhu: 30 c

Memang ku dah tak ada mata nak tengok apa dah terjadi di Malaysia. Kalau mataku boleh tahan, saya rasa tekanan darahku pun tak dapat tahan. Apa dah terjadi ni? Kononnya ada demonstrasi raksaksa di kawasan parlimen. Ada ke? Kononnya Anwar akan tiba di parlimen bersama dengan penyokongnya untuk membuat kacau dan mengancam keselamatan orang ramai. Ada ke? Itu semua dengar cakap.

Tapi Malaysia memang boleh. Dengan bukti yang berasaskan kepada dengar cakap semata-mata, perintah mahkamah boleh diisukan terhadap Anwar dan orang lain untuk melarang sesiapa yang tiada urusan di parlimen daripada menghampiri kawasan parlimen. Bukankah parlimen suatu tempat suci dimana suara rakyat dibawa masuk untuk pembahasan? Bukankah parlimen suatu tempat dipenuhi dengan “yang-berkhidmat” yang dipilih oleh rakyat? Bukankah parlimen satu simbol demokrasi? Kenapa tiba-tiba parlimen dijadikan bagai satu kawasan perang (war zone)? Siapa musuh kita? Siapa nak ancam kita?

Apa yang paling “potong steam” ialah tiada apa yang berlaku pada hari Isnin. Anwar tidak pergi melawat parlimen, usul Pakatan Rakyat ditolak, dan Anwar juga tidak pergi ke balai polis untuk memberikan keterangan. Habis cerita. Jadi, apa yang sebenarnya berlaku di KL pada Isnin? Traffic Jam saja.

Siapa yang menyebabkan traffic jam ini? Bergantunglah siapa kamu tanya. Kalau menanya polis, Anwar dan konco-konconya yang menyebabkan jam teruk ni. Tapi, saya rasa kita semua tahu siapa yang sebenarnya perlu bertanggung-jawab keatas semua kesulitan ini. Jawapannya amat jelas. Sekali-sekala rakyat memang bodoh, tapi tak sebodoh begitu.

Saya memang hairan kenapa perkara sebegini boleh berlaku. Seakan-akan tiada kerja lain untuk polis selain daripada mengganggu keselesaan rakyat. Rakyat dah banyak menderita, tak cukup lagi ke? Sudah banyak merisau macam mana nak bayar petrol, macam mana nak bayar tol, macam mana nak bayar makanan, tak cukup risau lagi ke? Kenapa masih nak memangsakan rakyat?

Saya ingat kerja polis adalah untuk menjaga keselamatan dan keamanan rakyat. Bukan? Tiada pencuri di Malaysia ke? Atau tiada perogol di Malaysia ke? Saya ingat kes jenayah di Malaysia masih meningkat? Siapa yang pecah masuk rumah saya? Kenapa tak turun padang untuk menyelesaikan kes-kes jenayah ini? Kenapa nak bazirkan masa dan wang rakyat dalam hal yang tidak produktif ini? Ini kerja polis ke? Saya tak marah. Saya dah malas nak marah. Lebih daripada marah, saya rasa sedih. Kenapa boleh jadi begini? Malaysia masih ada undang-undang, dan sifat dan kegunaan undang-undang adalah untuk membela nasib rakyat. Di manakah undang-undang Malaysia pergi? Insiden sebegini memberi satu gambaran seolah-olah pihak polis sudah terhilang kawalan. Mereka boleh buat apa-apa pun dengan sesuka hati tanpa perlu bimbangkan akibatnya.

Saya kesian orang-orang yang tertangkap di dalam traffic jam ini. Berjam-jam mereka terpaksa tunggu di dalam kereta. Tentu bukan satu pengalaman yang sedap. Perjalanan yang biasanya mengambil 20 minit, kini kena ambil 2 jam. Terima kasih kepada roadblock-roadblock yang tidak bermakna ini. Saya tidak percaya mata saya apabila saya baca berita mengatakan polis berkata roadblock ini adalah "successful". Successful apa?

Apa yang menyakitkan hati saya ialah bila saya baca berita tentang seorang bakal-peguam gagal menduduki pemeriksaan CLP (sijil amalan guaman) kerana dia lewat sampai di dewan pemeriksaan. Kenapa dia lewat sampai? Sekali lagi, terima kasih kepada pihak polis dan roadblock-roadblocknya. Budak ini terperangkap di dalam traffic jam. Kita semua tahu betapa susahnya nak lulus CLP. Kalau kamu gagal lebih daripada satu kertas, kamu terpaksa mengambil semua kertas sekali lagi. Siapa yang sepatutnya membayar ganti rugi kepada bakal-peguam ini? Tiada. Pihak polis hanya akan kata: Too Bad… Haraplah Majlis Peguam boleh membuat sesuatu untuk membantu bakal-bakal peguam ini. Tindakan tegas mesti diambil terhadap Polis Raja Di Malaysia (maaf, Polis Di-Raja Malaysia) untuk mengajar mereka bahawa mereka tidak berhak melukai rakyat dengan sewenang-wenangnya dan dengan cuai sekali.

Sedih sungguh ku nak berpantun pulak:

Penolong kata ia kena liwat
Belakang sakit terpaksa duduk tepi
Walaupun bertolak awal nak elak lewat
Malangnya masih ku gagal CLP


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Missing the court days

Weather: Fair
Temperature: 32 c

It was a very hot weekend. So I stayed at home most of the time, trying to avoid the merciless sun. While at home, I watched the American series “Boston Legal: Season 2” which was downloaded and forwarded to me by my colleague. I used up half of my Sunday watching up to episode 6 before Engtee and I decided to go for apartment-shopping (no, we are not buying an apartment; our current lease will expire soon, so we need to look for a new apartment to move into).

“Boston Legal” reminded me of my legal practice in Malaysia. When I was in Klang, I had no idea what kind of case was coming my way. This morning I may see a client with marital problem, and in the evening I may have client with problems evicting his tenant. If I was unable to resolve the matter amicably, then a summons had to be filed in court. Oh, I miss going to court.

For the avoidance of doubt, I never liked court paper work. Yes, there are many documents involved in a civil litigation. First, you need to draft a statement of claim, then after the serving the summons, you need to prepare an affidavit of service. If the defendant enters defence, you will need to prepare a reply, and thereafter numerous bundles of documents and witness’s statements. The paper work was definitely not the fun part.

However, I loved going to court (especially if I was well prepared and knew I was going for a kill). I don’t know why but my Malay suddenly became better whenever I spoke in court. Maybe it was the adrenalin. And I loved listening to my own voice in court.

I had my bad days in court too. Once, I had a sure-win case, which I had no idea how to lose. But as they said, anything could happen in a trial. I was having a good time with that case; I was well prepared and had enough supporting case law to throw my opponent counsel out of the court room. But just when I thought everything went as planned, my opponent did something which shocked both the judge and me. He pulled out a Koran and kissed the holy book in front of the judge. He said whatever he had said was the truth. The judge was a Muslim too. I don’t have to tell you what the judgment was. Yes, I lost that case. Maybe 1 day, I will write more about this case. Injustice was done to my client. When I left Malaysia, this case was still undergoing appeal process.

Having said the above, I still miss my court days. When will I go to the Malaysian court again? Not so sure…


p/s: I was listening to this song the whole Sunday. Hope you like it.

My last day in Court (photos taken by Engtee)

Spot a Liar

Weather: Fair

Temperature: 33c


I have seen many liars during my not-so-long legal practice. Most of the liars were my own clients. Initially, they would not be honest to their lawyer. Instinctively, they would want to cover up or twist parts of their stories. My high school teacher said, we should not lie to a priest, a doctor and a lawyer. That makes sense. How could a priest, a doctor or a lawyer help us if we were to tell lies?

Anyway, I do not blame my clients. It is only natural for someone to turn on his/her defensive mechanism when faced with a stranger. As long as I do not gain my clients’ trust, they would not be truthful to me.

Therefore, it is part of my job to tell whether or not a client is lying. For example, some would tell me, and expect me to believe, that they woke up 1 day and decided to divorce their husbands; but what they did not tell was that they were seeing some other guys. Some would say that they were being wrongly sued; however, the truth was they had received the goods but had difficulty paying for them because of cash flow problem.

Some lies are easy to spot; while some are not that easy. Some liars are easy to identify. You can tell from their expressions, tone, body language etc. Do you want to know how easy is it to identify a liar? Look at the pictures below and tell me who is telling the truth.

“Najib had sex with that lady…”

“Najib DID NOT have sex with that lady…”

Chinese or Malaysian?

Weather: Sunny
Temperature: 35 c


Throughout my stay in Shanghai, I have been asking this question: Am I a Chinese?

I think before I can answer the above question, I need to answer this first: Who is a Chinese?

In this connection, I found this article (click here) which more or less provides me with some form of guidance. Please read it and tell me, based on your opinion, whether I am a Chinese.

Enjoy!

TOH is HOT

Weather: Sunny

Temperature: 38 c (ooh... I am melting!)


Ok, enough of liwat meliwat in Malaysian politics. Today I will leave the sodomites alone. Allow me to briefly write about something else in Shanghai. The heat

The outdoor temperature now is 38 c (though yesterday the weather forecast predicted that the maximum temperature was 37 c), and it will not get any better. Summer has arrived and is here to stay until early October. Did I say I prefer summer over winter? I am sorry but I wish to retract my earlier statement – taking the cue from the now missing private investigator.

You may think “What lar, Harnniann. Malaysia lagi panas!”. Sorry, you are wrong. Last night it was 27 c in KL, and 32 c in Shanghai. Yes, 32 c at night! Can you believe that?! I have to take a shower before I go to bed, and Engtee has to take shower before she goes to bed and also while halfway sleeping. We were soaked in our own sweat. I have no choice but to walk naked in my apartment. At night, if you listen carefully, you can actually hear the drop of your sweat on the floor.

This morning, I could not walk to my office anymore. I was pretty sure that I would die halfway. When I walked out of my apartment’s lobby, I felt like as if thousands of hair dryers were blowing at me. Engtee called me to advise me to take taxi instead. We all know what is Engtee’s stand on taking taxi – it is a horrendous sin. Yet, she advised me to take a taxi to the office; so you can imagine how hot it must be.

Together with the heat, come the crazy mosquitoes. I don’t have to tell you how irritating these mosquitoes are.

After I complained to my office manager about the unbearable heat in the office, I was given a “private” portable mini air-cond. See the picture below.


According to my colleagues, I should not complain about the heat because I am from Malaysia. True, Malaysia is a “hot” country. But what my colleagues do not know is: in Malaysia, I drove to work. So I did not feel the bite of the morning sunshine. I usually took lunch in a air-conditioning restaurant. When I came out from my office after working hour, the sun has already set and the air was no longer hot. But in Shanghai, the temperature can go as high as 32 c even at night!

Maybe I am spoilt by the spring…Ooh, how I miss the cool breeze…

You trust the police?

In my earlier articles, I was asking in whom the Malaysians should believe.

The PM? (yeah, the parliament would not be dissolved tomorrow, remember?)

The DPM? (yeah, he has nothing to do with the private investigator’s retraction of previous statement; the private investigator woke up the next day and felt like retracting his statement. You really believe that shit?)

The Ministers? (yeah, Damansara primary school will be reopened soon, yeah right… )

The Judges? (correct, correct, correct?)

The Attorney General? (yeah, he could help you to lodge a police report as he did for the DPM, remember?)

Today, I read one ridiculous news which really amazed me. I don’t think I can take shit kind of shits anymore. So, I will blog about it and then go take a cold shower and then go to bed.

I feel so lucky I am not in KL now. My sympathy goes to those KL people who had to be trapped in massive traffic jam for hours. What causes the traffic jam? Our Polis Raja Di Malaysia. Oops, sorry, it should be Polis Di-Raja Malaysia. Instead of catching the thieves who broke into my Klang house and stole my DVD player, these morons set up road blocks all around KL areas. We all know that KL traffic is very fragile; one minor accident can cause serious traffic jam. Imagine what would happen when these morons set up series of roadblocks in KL? Acute Traffic Constipation

Why these morons want to do such a thing? The taxpayers pay them to protect the Malaysians, not to inconvenient the people; but that is what exactly they are doing – shove their roadblocks up the people’s ass.

If you think the police can be trusted, please read this:

“Police say the roadblocks around Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya on Saturday were part of the normal crime prevention measures and did not have any connection with the Coalition Against Inflation (Protes) rally at Stadium Kelana Jaya on Sunday.”

Was I born yesterday? Everyone and his dog know that the police is setting up roadblocks to intimidate and prevent the people from attending the gathering in Kelana Jaya tomorrow. Normal crime prevention measures? My ass!

Anyway, I must put my hands together for the police force. They have this unique talent to lie with their dicks in their mouths.

Yet, when you read the newspapers (from the Mainstream Media) on Monday, this will be the headline: "Unlawful Gathering Causes Massive Traffic Jam".

And the newspapers (from the Mainstream Media) will also report that Ah Chong complains that his business is seriously affected by the illegal gathering; Mutu complains that his mamak store business drops by more than 50%; Ahmad says that the people should not resort to illegal gathering, unless the police issues permit.

Aiyor... Are Malaysians really that blind?

Shanghai is very hot now, and the weather does not help in cooling the heat inside me. I am so pissed. I am going to take a cold shower now.

My good friend Harley tried to calm me down by saying that “it is for reporting purpose only, don’t take it seriously”.

True, since when we take our police seriously? Didn’t they say the crime rate in Malaysia is “manageable”?

Please be afraid and be very afraid. If all the crimes that are happening in Malaysia now are considered “manageable”, I would not want to be in Malaysia if one day the police were to tell me the crime in Malaysia is “not so manageable”.

Nabeh!

No, it was not Najib

Weather: Clear
Temperature: 37 c (Hooooot!)

If you think M Night Shyamala’s “The 6th Sense” is good, you have not read about the recent news in Malaysia. What happening now in Malaysia are much better than movies. According to Mark Twain, “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.”

And Malaysians are not sure what the truth is and who to believe any more.

24 hours after making the explosive revelation, the private investigator today retracted his statement. He now has a new lawyer and a new statutory declaration. He claimed that he made the first statutory declaration under duress.

Some of my friends were very angry at this private investigator. They said his retraction of his earlier statement was really “potong steam”. Just when we thought we had Najib’s ass in our pocket, the bugger said he was forced to implicate Najib. Really anti-climax lar...

Yes, I am not very happy with this private investigator. Yesterday he said yes; today he said no. One of his statutory declarations must be false. Either way, he is a liar. But, I will not simply dismiss him as a liar and move on. Such a view is too simplistic. We should study the chain of events as a whole and draw some inferences. The show is not over yet.

Yesterday at the press conference, the private investigator dropped a bombshell. He shocked the whole world by hinting that our DPM had anal sex with the Mongolian lady. Later, it was reported that he was brought to the police station for "investigation". We did not know what actually took place in the police station, but my guess is the police did not throw him a kenduri. He must have had a “great time” with the police officers.

24 hours later, the same private investigator came out with a new statutory declaration. In his new statutory declaration, he kept most of his previous stories but specifically deleted all the paragraphs that made references to the DPM. Wow… My question is: Why would a reasonable man of sound mind do that? Can you smell something fishy here? I do.

Imagine this. One day, Ah Kow rushed into the kopitiam and told everyone this:

“I wanted to buy rice. I walked to the nearest shop with RM3 in my pocket. I was very happy because I was going to be a father soon. I was also wondering if I had enough money to buy a packet of sugar. Suddenly, I saw Ah Meng. Ah Meng was holding a broomstick. Ah Meng’s wife was crying loudly. But I continued walking. I bought rice with RM2 and I used the balance RM1 to buy sugar. This is my story.”

Hours later, you saw Ah Kow being brought into a small hut by a group of Ah Meng's friends.

The next day, Ah Kow quietly walked to the kopitian and said this:

“Hi, everyone! I made mistakes in my previous statement. I wanted to buy rice. I walked to the nearest shop with RM3 in my pocket. I was very happy because I was going to be a father soon. I was also wondering if I had enough money to buy a packet of sugar. But, I did NOT see Ah Meng. Ah Meng was NOT holding a broomstick. Ah Meng's wife was NOT crying loudly. I continued walking. I bought rice with RM2 and I used the balance RM1 to buy sugar. This is my story.”

Can you sense something wrong here? Why did Ah Kow repeat his whole story but specifically emphasize that he did not see Ah Meng?

The reasonable inference any reasonable man would reasonably make is: Ah Meng must have done something to Ah Kow, something that is not so nice.

Now, back to our Najib's case. The private investigator's new statutory declaration states:

"I wish to expressly state that at no material time did (Abdul) Razak (Abdullah) Baginda inform me that he was introduced to Altantuya Shaariibuu by a VIP and at no material time did Razak Baginda inform me that Datuk Seri Najib had a sexual relationship with Altantuya Shaaribu and that she was susceptible to anal intercourse.

"At no material time did Razak Baginda inform me that Datuk Seri Najib instructed Razak Baginda to look after Altantuya Shaariibuu as he did not want her to harass him since he was the Deputy Prime Minister.

"At no material time did Razak Baginda and or Altantuya Shaariibuu inform me that Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak, together with Razak Baginda and Altantuya Shaariibuu, had met and all been together at a dinner in Paris;

"At no material time did Altantuya Shaariibuu inform me that she wanted money in the sum of US$500,000 as a commission for a submarine deal she assisted with in Paris;

"At no time whatsoever did Razak Baginda and/or Altantuya Shaariibuu inform me that Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak met with Altantuya Shaariibuu in Singapore;

"At no time whatsoever did Altantuya Shaariibuu inform me that she wanted me to arrange to see Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak;

"At no time did I tell the police during the course of their investigations about any relationship between Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak andAltantuya Shaariibuu as no such relationship existed to my knowledge. Accordingly, the statement I signed before the police is complete;

"At no time did Razak Baginda inform me that he had sent Datuk Seri Najib an SMS the evening before he was arrested; and

"At no time did Razak Baginda inform me that Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak had sent him an SMS on the day of his arrest to the effect that he was going to see the IGP (Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan) that day and that the matter should be resolved and for Razak Baginda to remain calm."

See my point? Isn't that TOO obvious? Again, my question remains: Will Najib sue this private investigator?

2007 is Tahun Melawat Malaysia; 2008 is definitely Tahun Meliwat Malaysia. : )


.

I did not have anal sex with that lady

Weather: Clear

Temperature: 33 c (hot!)

There are currently 2 hotly discussed topics in Malaysian politics:

“Is Anwar a sodomite?”

“Is Najib a murderer? (and also a sodomite?)”

The first topic is nothing new. It is played with the same old script written by Dr M 10 years ago. 10 years ago, Malaysians learned all they need to know about sodomy. 10 years ago, Malaysians witnessed mattress being brought in and out of court to prove an act of sodomy. 10 years ago, Malaysians were made to believe that it is possible to commit sodomy in an apartment which has yet to be built. 10 years ago, Malaysians understood that, though the alleged victim repeated 3 times in court that he was not sodomized, the accused could still be convicted.

BN is really suffering from creativity bankruptcy. But, what they did was entirely within logic and human instinct.

When I was a small kid, I ran into trouble for accidentally breaking a piece of furniture. I knew I was going to get it hard from my parents. I also knew I had to do something to save my ass, literally. When my parents confronted me and repeatedly asked me why I was so naughty, I did not know what to say for I have no defense at all. I was guilty as hell. They were expecting me to say I was sorry and therefore they could whack my butt with a clear conscience. But instead of admitting my guilt, I did the unthinkable… I told them my brother did not do his homework and was punished by his teacher. My parents were confused. Minutes ago, their minds were focused on how to whack my butt. But things took a sharp turn: they now knew that my brother was punished by his teacher for failure to do his homework.

Was I a brilliant kid? Instead of spending the next 30 minutes whacking my butt, my parents spent only 15 minutes dealing with me and the other 15 minutes probing my allegation that my brother did not do his homework. I cleverly pulled my brother in to share unwanted attention from my parents.

This is exactly what happened in Malaysia.

Someone could not bear the heat any more. He did not want the public’s attention. He wanted to shout “leave me alone!” but the public would not accede to his request.

When Raja Petra made a statutory declaration that he was “reliably” informed that Najib’s wife was at the scene when the Mongolian lady was C4ed, Najib dismissed it as pure lie, fabrication and garbage. But nevertheless, he will not take action against Raja Petra. Why? Tak ada duit nak upah peguam?

Ok, maybe Najib was right. Please give him the benefit of doubt. Maybe Raja Petra’s allegation was really a lie, fabrication and garbage, because Raja Petra heard it from someone else. It was hearsay.

But what about this? A private investigator, who has personal knowledge, just made an explosive revelation in the form of a statutory declaration:

“Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak informed Abdul Razak Baginda that he had a sexual relationship with Aminah and that she was susceptible to anal intercourse.”

“Aminah” in this context refers to the poor Mongolian lady.

The ball is kicked back to Najib’s court. What will he do now? A hesitated denial again? Will he take action against the private investigator? If he refuses to take action, what would that mean? He has 2 statutory declarations stuck up his ass, yet he does not fight back? Will a reasonable man keep quite when his balls are being squeezed twice?

We shall see whether our DPM is really afraid of the TRUTH. Oh, aren't we living in exciting times? This is much better than EURO 2008 final!

National Integrity Perception Index

Weather: Thunder Storm

Temperature: 28 c


I almost fell off my chair when I finished reading this news.

I just don't get it. Why these morons can live in a state of denial for such a long period of time. I did quite a number of divorce cases before. I understand that when a marriage turns sour, the couple (usually the injured party) will normally go through a period of denial. During this period, he/she will deny that his/her marriage has problem. He/she will deny that his/her spouse has problem or has cheated on him/her. It may take a few weeks to a few months before he/she could wake up to the reality and face the truth.

But, unlike the injured party who has been cheated by the husband or wife, these morons take even longer time to get out of this period of denial. I have little hope that they will ever wake up to the reality and feel the gravity. They live in their own fantasies, and in their fantasies, Malaysia is free of corruption, crime, inflation, and maybe pollution (until the morons from the EC burnt the ballot papers near the KLIA).

So, what are they denying this time?

Well, it appears that our PM, while he was still conscious, used his limited creativity (or maybe his boys from the 4th floor came out with this idea) to propose a survey called “National Integrity Perception Index Survey”. I do not know how this survey works or if it actually benefits the country, but I am pretty sure tons of money had been burnt to undertake this survey. Anyway, our government's motto has always been: “spend first, see result later; if no result; spend differently next time.”

It was reported that the survey, a mechanism to assess integrity in the local context, involving 14,967 respondents nationwide, came up with an overall score of 6.97, among which, corruption scored 6.76, social responsibility and ethical business practice 6.90, courtesy 7.07, strength of the community and family institutions 7.38, and public security and quality of life 7.41. The 3 sample groups were households (10,023 or 67%), public sector (4,031 or 26.9%) and senior officers in the private sector (913 or 6.1%).

So far so good. And I continued reading…

Then I came across this statement which reminded me of the sushi I ate last night and made me want to puke:

Datuk Dr Mohd Tap said the 6.76 score in the local corruption perception index was better than Transparency International’s 5.10 for Malaysia that was based on a survey of foreign businessmen.

"It is expected public perception will continue to improve, based on the Government’s development policy, greater transparency and the announcement of an independent Anti-Corruption Agency."

Adui! This is the government's typical mentality – “we are better than Ghana”.

To me, the score of 6.76 is not acceptable. Based on the standards of Hin Hua High School, 6.76 barely crosses the passing mark. I would have to hide my result card if I score 6.76. But, our government does not look at it that way: the score of 6.76 is still better than 5.10, the score given by Transparency International.

This reminds me of a reply given by one of the deputy ministers. Asked why UM is not a top 200 university in the world, the deputy minister said UM is doing ok because we have more than 35,000 universities in the world, so if we are not within the top 200, we are still ok.

Now you see my point? As long as we are still better than Ghana, we are doing fine. Actually, in what way we are better than Ghana? Ghana played in the World Cup! Can our national soccer team beat Vietnam? Yes, Vietnamese female soccer team, maybe.

Please read again the statement made by that Datuk (who is a PhD). It makes me wonder where he was for the past 1 to 2 years. Was he living in space? I doubt so because we only have the budget to send 1 handsome space tourist to space.

Government's development policy? Greater transparency? An independent Anti-Corruption Agency?

Where did he get the idea from? The New Straits Time?

This is my father's standard posture at home. Why do I risk my life publishing my father's picture here? Because today is his birthday! Happy birthday, dad!

(Note: this picture is used without his permission)


.

Rosmah will not sue Raja Petra

As a follow-up to my earlier post “Oh... Not Again!”, I just learned that Najib's wife will not sue Raja Petra for alleging her involvement in the murder of the Mongolian lady.

When Anwar was accused: immediate denial + civil action

When Najib was accused: hesitated denial + …

Who is afraid of the TRUTH now?